I knew that emotional intelligence is an important skill to foster in children: it helps us to better understand ourselves as we move through our daily lives. This knowledge of self then helps us to better understand and empathize with others.

But I favored lessons on empathy and social interactions, and as a result, the seeds I planted didn’t always take root.

It became clear that I was expecting my students to have larger background knowledge about emotions than they actually did.

There are many adults who do not have a strong base for emotional intelligence. We often lack the words or comfort levels to share how we’re feeling with others, as well as the tools to help navigate situations when big emotions arise. Increasing emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. From there we can learn how to better self-regulate. Helping students to tune into their bodies, recognize the physical sensations that come with experiencing an emotion, and to consider how they would like to respond are cornerstone traits to strengthen this life skill.

Below are five ways that we can infuse more practice with self-awareness and regulation to help strengthen emotional intelligence in the classroom.

1. Name emotions with accurate language

This might seem like a simple approach, but it is very powerful. We may think students are already familiar with naming emotions, but they are often very limited in vocabulary, understanding, or both.

In his book Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence To Achieve Well-Being and Success, Marc Brackett highlights the importance of increasing emotion vocabulary in children by stating,

“The more words that children can use, the better able we’ll be able to support them. When we use a wide variety of terms to describe emotions, our children learn the words, but they also absorb the lesson that describing their feelings is a natural, positive thing to do” (Brackett 113).

This doesn’t have to be complicated! I’ve found that the two simplest things we can do to increase emotion language are to name emotions and to explore the clues that tell us that we or others are experiencing an emotion. Here are a few ways that we can do this:

Use literature

Using characters in the books we read in class to help identify and explore an emotion is an easy place to start. It can be helpful to ask students questions like “How do you think the character is feeling?” and “What clues tell us that they are feeling this way?” We can use this approach to examine facial features, ask students to think about a time they felt the same way, or invite discussion about physical sensations they might feel in the body when experiencing a certain emotion.

We can also share literature that deals with social-emotional learning and invite class discussion. We are lucky to live in an age where there is a gorgeous variety of picture and chapter books on these topics. Use books that you may already have in your classroom, chat with your school librarian, or explore communities online that offer quality recommendations.

Use everyday situations

We can invite students to pause and check in with their own bodies during the day. This can be especially meaningful when the atmosphere in the room feels a certain way.

For example, if the room is full of energy, students seem particularly lethargic or disengaged, or when stress is high before a testing scenario. It may be helpful for us to name what we are noticing in the room and invite students to see if this feels true for them. We can ask students to pause and notice the physical sensations they are feeling and to consider what emotion they are experiencing. From there we are able to work with students to identify what they may need as support.

Use yourself as an example

Naming emotions we feel in ourselves as they arise throughout the day can also be an impactful way to normalize emotions and connect with students more deeply. Stating how we’re feeling and what clues our bodies are giving us and sharing what strategies we need to self-regulate in the moment can be powerful for students to hear.

As always, use your best judgment about what and how to share depending on your students, their developmental and maturity levels, and your own personal comfort levels.

2. Share the science

My students loved learning about their brains. There was always an intense focus that emerged when I shared the “why” behind something as non-concrete as emotions and behavior. When it was broken down, it suddenly made sense and the knowledge empowered them to make different choices. They also loved sharing the knowledge with others–it was a great topic of discussion whenever they had a substitute.

Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain helped provide my third-graders with a concrete example of how their brains play a part when they experience big emotions. It gave them a clear visual of the three major parts of the brain that go into emotional regulation. It also provided a clear “why” behind the work we were doing to support their growth in this area.

Looking up Dan Siegel’s work or exploring Scarlett Lewis’s Choose Love program can help give more examples of age-appropriate language around this topic. Feel free to adjust for your students and their interests or developmental needs. Younger students may need a more simplified model or older students might be interested in more complex topics like the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems.

3. Introduce and integrate strategies

Providing students with simple, concrete tools that they can practice and access when experiencing big emotions is key. There are currently a lot of resources for educators on this topic and finding strategies that work for you and your students can take time.

Throughout my own process I’ve learned to be honest about what strategies work for me, but also to be open to things that don’t. I would sometimes shy away from techniques that weren’t my favorite but found that some students gravitated towards those.

Here are three categories of strategies and some simple examples from each that I’ve found to make a difference with my students.

Breathing

There’s more and more evidence that we have become a population of shallow breathers. When we feel stressed or anxious, we have the tendency to hold our breath high in our chests, rather than allowing our bellies to expand and our lungs to fill to capacity. Working on this “belly breathing” (also known as diaphragmatic breathing) is one of the simplest things we can do to help encourage our students to re-connect with themselves.

Invite students to sit tall in their chairs with their feet planted on the floor. They may choose to close their eyes, or find a soft gaze somewhere on the floor. Students may also choose to place a hand on their bellies if they wish to.

From here, we invite students to breathe in through their nose, if they can, and to exhale through their nose. Experiment with counting the students through the breath for equal counts of four.

Or experiment with a count of four on the inhale and six on the exhale. Encourage students to reflect silently or out loud on how they feel after several rounds of breath.

This is such a simple technique and is an easy one to write off. That being said, it is perhaps the tool that my students accessed the most once they became more comfortable with it.

Quiet time

Noticeable changes began to arise in my own classroom when I started carving out time for students to explore quiet, stillness, or sensing into their bodies.

This will look very different at each age and maturity level, but one simple technique to try is a five-sense activity. Invite students to sit quietly and mentally notice five things they can see.

From there, they can choose to keep their eyes open, or rest their gaze on the floor as they make note of four things they can touch, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can touch.

Journaling, nature or building walks, glitter jars, or Responsive Classroom’s “Quiet Time” are other examples of ways to help students connect inwardly and self-regulate.

Mindful movement

Allowing for movement breaks throughout the day has been considered beneficial for students for a while now. You may already have some type of practice for this woven into your daily classroom life already. Sometimes it seemed hard to find time during the day to get my students up and moving and I needed ways that students could access movement, even if they were required to stay seated. Below is a short and simple series of chair movements I would use if my students needed a break, particularly in testing situations.

First, ask students to scoot as far forward in their chairs as needed so that they can plant their feet flat on the floor. Ask them to imagine that they have a string coming out of the tops of their heads and someone is gently pulling on that string to help make them sit tall and strong. Invite them to rest their hands on their thighs and either close their eyes or gaze at the floor. Take a few breaths here.

You can then invite students to inhale and stretch their arms over their heads. Then exhale and slowly twist their upper bodies to the right, resting their right hand on the back of their seat and their left hand on the outside of their right thigh or seat. Encourage them to keep breathing and to keep their spine straight. Exhale to unwind and then repeat on the left side.

Finally, invite students to keep a straight spine and lift their right leg off of the ground, crossing their right ankle over their left knee. They may choose to stay here and take a few breaths, or perhaps start to bring their chest down towards their legs. After a few breaths, uncross the right leg and repeat on the other side.

4. Make time for reflection

Carving out intentional time to connect and reflect is a wonderful way to cultivate awareness and deepen the practice. This ensures that everyone feels comfortable and that you are reaching the community in an effective way.

Reflect with students

Inviting students to be active participants in this journey informs and empowers both them and you. Regularly checking in with students can be as simple as asking them to reflect internally after they’ve implemented a strategy. Asking questions like “How did you feel before?” and “How do you feel now?” can foster an internal awareness and strengthen the process of slowing down to consider how we are feeling and what actions we can take to support ourselves.

We can also ask our students for feedback on what they feel is working and what is not, both for themselves and as a class. They can share their thoughts with you independently (privately in one-on-one interaction or recording their ideas on a sticky note), in partnerships, or in group situations like during whole-class meetings. How you choose to do this will depend on your students’ comfort levels.

One year I had a small reflection journal for students to use partly for this purpose. We would try a new regulation strategy and, after practicing it for a week or so, I would ask them to record how they felt when using the strategy or when they thought they might use it in their lives. This gave them a chance to consider whether it was something that felt good for them. Some students also used the journal as a tool to reflect during or after experiencing a big emotion.

Reflect with colleagues

If you have a group of colleagues or friends from other districts who are also interested in fostering emotional intelligence in the classroom, connect with them when you can!

Troubleshooting, problem-solving, and sharing wins with people who are on the same journey can be helpful and supportive. There are so many things to learn from each other! We can often gain new perspectives or feel seen by others when we connect in this way.

Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is an often overlooked tool. As educators, we tend to excel at reflecting on what might have worked with a group of students and adjusting accordingly. But do not forget that you are a part of the process!

Remember to consider your needs and limits as well. It is just as important to make sure that what you are implementing is working for you too.

5. Honor the process

Increasing emotional intelligence within our classrooms can sometimes be challenging and uncomfortable because it asks us to grow. Know that there may be times when things feel difficult for you or your students and that this is okay.

Here are some important pieces to help us move through it.

Follow through

Once we start to dive into this journey with our students, it is important to follow through. This includes honoring the requests students may make of you when it comes to self-regulation. You may find yourself feeling frustrated or defaulting to old ways that you used to show up in your classroom.

For example, I had a student who thrived on taking a meditation break with our classroom glitter jar, particularly during writing activities. There were times when I wished he would just sit down and get his work finished. But once we had set the clear expectation that he was still responsible for coming back to the activity to finish his work after he had self-regulated, the glitter jar only helped him to become more productive.

Be consistent

Consistency is also an important part of the process. There may be times when you feel like what you’re introducing isn’t sticking. Some students continue to show up in the same ways and struggle with the same issues over and over.

Make adjustments as needed, but trust the process as well. Students often need time and consistency to feel safe enough to start implementing these strategies and share their internal world. This helps students know you will honor their needs and they in turn will want to honor yours.

Participate

As educators, we know the importance of modeling and leading by example. It is powerful to take part in this process with our students and let them see us! When you ask students to journal, journal with them.

When you invite students to share their reflections, share with them. When you ask students to try a new strategy, try it with them. It sends a powerful message and learning alongside our students is one of the most beautiful things we can do.

We are most likely also working on strengthening our own emotional intelligence in the process. Things will inevitably come up for us as we explore this topic with our students. Be gentle with yourself as things arise and seek support from friends, colleagues, and professionals as needed.

The post 5 ways to strengthen emotional intelligence in the classroom appeared first on Truth For Teachers.

I had my face turned away towards the wall in an attempt to hide a torrent of tears as our school’s Occupational Therapist ushered my students out for a “bonus recess” in the middle of the day. I was at my wit’s end but mortified with myself for not being able to keep it together. I had failed to show up as the educator who I believed I needed to be and could feel my perfectly crafted, “Polished Professional” persona crumbling.

I was trying to maintain this persona for my students and colleagues because I believed that was how to prove my effectiveness as an educator. I had some ingrained beliefs that dictated how I showed up in my classroom, and while many of those beliefs served a purpose or stemmed from good intentions, they led to the breakdown of my own wellbeing. The way I was showing up wasn’t sustainable, nor was it creating an environment that allowed my students or myself to flourish.

After that first year, I started to examine my Polished Professional and her core beliefs. My students and I spent our morning meetings exploring mindset, mindfulness, and emotions. We read literature with strong characters who exemplified these traits. We learned breathing and movement strategies that could help us to cope with strong emotions. While my students engaged with these things at the moment, the lessons weren’t sticking. There was still a part of me that was deeply unsatisfied with how I felt while in the classroom.

At some point, I realized it wasn’t enough for me to gush about how important it is to show up bravely in the world and communicate how you’re feeling. I could provide endless examples in literature and have students practice belly breathing every day, but there was a crucial element missing. My students weren’t staring at the mindset trait of the week or interacting with the strong characters in those books all day — they were watching me. I was the missing piece, and I had to show up.

Part of the problem was that I wasn’t allowing myself the space to explore the pieces that go into this on my own. I wasn’t sure how to share some of my emotions or struggles with my students. The Polished Professional’s core beliefs weren’t allowing me to show up the way my students needed me to. I needed to shift those core beliefs because my students weren’t benefiting from the Polished Professional. They needed me to be part of the growth process. They needed a Messy Human.

Polished Professional Core Belief 1: Everyone Else First

Messy Human Trait: Communicate Your Own Needs

As educators, we learn how to read the needs of those around us. We scan our students’ body language and verbal responses so that we can adjust our approach. We know the value of supporting others and learn how to become excellent nurturers. The downfall is that we often lose sight of our own needs in the process.

The desire to always appear calm and composed for my students led me to ignore any needs that bubbled up for me. If uncomfortable emotions appeared, I felt like it was my job to hide them. Not being able to express these things, I had a tendency to hold them inside. This usually resulted in me tensing up, becoming irritable, or breaking down.

The irony was that I was trying to teach my students about communication and emotional intelligence while neglecting it in my own life. This wasn’t leading to authentic modeling. It was also causing me to show up in ways that I didn’t enjoy in our learning space.

But sharing my needs felt selfish and showing up as an angry, sad, or anxious human felt messy. So I started small. I let my students know that the sound of Velcro hurt my throat and asked that they give me a heads up before using it around me. I let myself get choked up during our read-aloud of The One And Only Ivan. These small instances helped foster group discussion about things like pet peeves, respecting boundaries, and expressing emotions.

I then started to tune into my body throughout the day. I connected sensations to emotions and used the management techniques I had taught to my students. I shared things like, “I’m noticing I’m feeling frustrated because there is more than one voice on while I am trying to explain the directions. Could you please give me a minute to take a deep breath so that I can communicate with you calmly?” Sometimes I would tell students how the emotion felt in my body. Other times I would share how I was feeling and ask for student feedback about what we could do as a class to support and remedy the situation.

This open line of communication offered an avenue for students to start considering their own needs. It took practice to pay attention to my body so I knew my students would need support to tune into theirs. I started drawing purposeful attention to body language when working one-on-one with a student. I would say things like “I’m noticing that you’re resting your head on your arms while we’re reading together. What are you feeling right now?” or “Let’s take a deep breath together. What are you noticing in your body?”

Students started to use specific language to communicate what they felt. They would ask to use certain strategies to get through tough spots during the day or suggest options for classmates who were struggling. It wasn’t uncommon to see a student close his eyes and take a deep belly breath during a test while his table mates continued to work without batting an eye.

What amazed me is that students only started putting these things into practice when they saw me practicing them too. What I thought was selfish behavior was the most powerful tool for change. This perspective shift is the most difficult of them all and it didn’t happen overnight. It took several consistent and vulnerable moments to get here. But once students start to witness you identifying what’s going on in your inner world and stating your needs, it offers a clear avenue to better understand their own.

Polished Professional Core Belief 2: Maintain Control

Messy Human Trait: Invite Student Input And Problem-Solving

In my mind, maintaining control was the most important ingredient in a safe classroom. While there is an element of truth to this, I soon became rigid and regimented. I had an internal meltdown when students acted out of character or pushed the boundaries. When my classroom climate got out of control or I’d get a “negative” report on class behavior from specialists, I would panic. I felt like my students’ behaviors were a reflection of me as a teacher, and that the only way to fix it was to tighten control. This is when you would find us gathered on the rug and hear me say something to the effect of, “Because so many of you are having a hard time not fooling around with your partners, you will all have to work individually now.”

This changed when a colleague pointed out that each student was capable of making their own choices. I could set up expectations and boundaries, but could I actually control them? This idea shifted my perspective. We were a collective group of thinkers, and my job was to foster that.

After this, it wasn’t uncommon to still find our classroom community gathered on the rug in a circle. But this time I started to invite them into a discussion. Now it was more common to hear me say something like, “I’m noticing that we’re having a hard time staying focused when we work in partnerships. What are you noticing? What do you want me to know about it? How do you think we can fix it?”

The students took this community gathering very seriously. There was an acknowledgment of responsibility. They knew they had an important part to play in fixing something that wasn’t serving everyone. I was still able to share my own thoughts and reasons about the problem with the students, but I was no longer seen as the person who “made the rules.” They solved many issues on their own. When we made a decision it was much easier to remind students of what we agreed upon if the issue arose again to help redirect behavior.

The mindset shift occurred when I realized I could not control my students’ behaviors or choices. Instead, I could guide them to become more aware, intentional, and empowered in their actions.

Polished Professional Core Belief 3: Don’t Let Them Peek Behind The Curtain

Messy Human Trait: Share Your Stories

In my early years of teaching, I was often afraid of sharing anything about my personal life with my students. I was taught that it was unprofessional and took that advice to heart. My students didn’t have a true glimpse into who I was as a human beyond how I showed up in the classroom (and the fact that I had a dog and that my favorite food is ice cream).

But the more my students and I delved into our mindset work, the more my personal stories organically bubbled to the surface. During our discussion about bravery, I found myself recalling the way I didn’t stand up for a friend in elementary school. I asked my students questions like, “Why do you think I did that? Why do you think I’m still bothered by how I acted now and wish I had acted differently?” When we discussed asking for help I shared how, earlier that morning, I was overwhelmed by what I had to get done. Our classroom paraprofessional stepped in to take over some of my tasks. “How do you think that made me feel? Why do you think it was hard for me to ask for help in the first place?”

It is still important to use your discretion when sharing. Consider the emotional development of your students and the appropriateness of what you share. But opening up about your own trials and triumphs creates a connection. My students soaked up my stories, awed by the fact that their teacher struggled with some of the same challenges as they did. And I felt more connected to them for it.

Polished Professional Core Belief 4: You Are The “Expert”

Messy Human Trait: Use Honesty

Honesty is one of the things I thought I was doing well in the classroom. But the truth is, this Messy Human trait didn’t blossom until I challenged some of the other Polished Professional beliefs.

Of course, I was honest with my students in many ways up to this point. But I felt a deep need to maintain the position of “expert” within our space. I believed that to be a successful teacher, I always needed to demonstrate my knowledge, expertise, and competency. I needed to be the one who had the answers because I believed this is how my students would feel safe. I believed this is how I would maintain respect.

It is no doubt important for students to feel safe and trust that you will guide them. I still believe students need to know that you will show up consistently in order for them to grow. But this does not mean that you need to be a shining, all-knowing, stoic example.

My quest for greater honesty started small and with a very simple phrase: “I don’t know.” If a student asked a question that I didn’t know the answer to, there was no more waffling or redirecting to keep up appearances. Instead, you might hear something like, “That’s a great question! I’m actually not sure about the answer — let’s look it up together.” Or “I’m not an expert on that topic. Let’s fact-check that.”

Despite my fears that I would lose trust and respect, admitting when I didn’t know the answer caused a huge shift in student perspective. I was no longer the go-to for all knowledge, but the one to consult about how to find knowledge. Students were learning to dig deeper and ask critical questions. They were learning how to research and where to go to uncover the information they were seeking. They knew it was okay to move into unknown territory. I was still a stable constant because my students knew that if I didn’t have the answer, I would help them to find it.

This subtle shift increased trust within our classroom space. My capacity for honesty expanded even more. If I wanted to change a classroom habit, I would inform the students and ask for their help. If I had to learn a new piece of curriculum and still felt unsure about it, I would admit it to my students. I’d let them know that I could make a lot of mistakes, or we may have to try something more than once. I asked for their patience. They gave it to me.

Polished Professional Core Belief 5: Perfection Is Attainable

Messy Human Trait: Show Up Imperfectly

If your students are anything like mine, you know how much they love pointing out when you make a mistake. I used to bristle when, standing at the front of the room and receiving the kind of spelling amnesia you only get from staring at a whiteboard, I’d hear a student call out, “Miss Hanson! You spelled ‘principal’ wrong!”

But once I started to embody more of the Messy Human traits, this bristling went away. It was much easier to laugh at myself and admit my mistakes. This also invited discussion about how to approach someone with kindness when you think they’ve made one.

Not only did this shift help my students to see my humanity, but it also normalized mistakes. They became more comfortable with making their own and helping their classmates. It also helped them gain the confidence and skills to politely disagree, debate, and think critically.

Yet sometimes mistakes go beyond the realm of academics. Despite our best efforts to show up in our classrooms with kindness and intention each day, there will still be situations when the darker side of our Messy Human gets the best of us. There will be days when we are still cranky, tired, and impatient. We won’t always choose the “best” words to use or respond in the way we wish to.

Know that these mistakes are still bound to happen. They don’t make us bad humans or educators, but remind us of our limits and give us opportunities to respond with grace. When these moments arise, give yourself time to process. Then acknowledge those moments with your students and apologize as needed. You can invite discussion where appropriate and put in place any of the strategies listed above, and then forgive yourself. Your most uncomfortable moments are important for students to witness and can turn into powerful modeling opportunities.

When I began to challenge the Polished Professional’s beliefs, my classroom transformed. My students started to show up, and with a lot less fear. They began to own their imperfections, spot their needs, ask for help, offer support, and use strategies. Not only did I see a profound change within my students, but I felt much safer, satisfied, and joyful showing up in our classroom as a human being.

There is a power in being your authentic self with your students. When they realize you face similar struggles and need the same support, there is a sharing of humanity. And the moment your students realize that you are human, magic occurs. My students needed the magic that came with revealing my Messy Human. And the truth is, I needed my Messy Human too.

The post I stopped being a “polished professional” and started showing up in my classroom as an authentic, messy human. Here’s what happened. appeared first on Truth For Teachers.