{"id":126570,"date":"2017-05-07T12:00:30","date_gmt":"2017-05-07T16:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/?post_type=podcasts&#038;p=126570"},"modified":"2025-05-20T18:46:18","modified_gmt":"2025-05-20T23:46:18","slug":"respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes","status":"publish","type":"podcasts","link":"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/","title":{"rendered":"How to respond to rude, disrespectful student attitudes"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>I\u2019ve written A LOT\u00a0about behavior management: <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/can-build-positive-school-culture-no-matter-teach\/\">creating a strong, positive classroom culture<\/a> and being proactive, as well as what to do about <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/extreme-student-behavior-7-traps-avoid-nothing-seems-work\/\">extreme student behaviors<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/how-to-undo-your-classroom-management-mistakes\/\">how to undo your classroom management mistakes<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>I&#8217;ve talked about how to <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/avoiding-discouragement-teaching-can-thankless-job\/\">avoid getting discouraged<\/a> by these kinds of behaviors, and how to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/keep-giving-apathetic-students\/\">not give up on apathetic kids.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>But I haven&#8217;t addressed practical responses in the moment to student attitudes:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How should you\u00a0respond to the\u00a0little things students do that are rude, disrespectful, or just annoying?<\/li>\n<li>What should you do for minor behaviors that don&#8217;t necessarily warrant some kind of consequence, but that you can&#8217;t\u00a0let slide every time?<\/li>\n<li>Is there a way to keep kids from\u00a0eye-rolling, teeth sucking, muttering under their breath, and so on?<\/li>\n<li>What do we do about bad attitudes?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>I don\u2019t want to settle for trite, rehashed info, so I reached out to <a href=\"https:\/\/mindstepsinc.com\/about-us\/leadership\/\">Robyn Jackson<\/a>, founder of <a href=\"https:\/\/mindstepsinc.com\/\">Mindsteps Inc<\/a>,\u00a0because I knew she could take this conversation to a deeper level.<\/strong> Robyn was a National Board Certified English teacher in Maryland, just outside of Washington DC, and has since been an administrator, adjunct professor, consultant, and speaker. She\u2019s been championing equity, access, and rigor for over 15 years.<\/p>\n<p>Robyn is seriously one of my favorite experts in the education space, because she has a deeper understanding of human behavior and motivation than anyone else I know, and she always keeps it real. I\u2019ve had the pleasure of seeing her speak in person a few times and I just hang on her every word&#8211;there\u2019s so much good info there. She has this lovely way of uncovering the root problem and also calling you out on your own mess instead of allowing blame-shifting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I highly recommend using the audio player below to listen to the full interview,<\/strong>\u00a0but even if you&#8217;d rather read, grab a pad of paper because you\u2019re going to want to take notes.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-126588 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border-500x500.jpg\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" data-pin-description=\"Classroom management tips for handling rude, disrespectful kids in the classroom. This interview with Robyn Jackson answers A LOT of questions about dealing with problematic student behavior.\" srcset=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border-500x500.jpg 500w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border-90x90.jpg 90w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/robyn-other-logo-border.jpg 2024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Want to listen instead of read?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Listen to season 5 episode 14 below,<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>or subscribe in your podcast app.<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/5269344\/height\/90\/width\/500\/theme\/custom\/autonext\/no\/thumbnail\/yes\/autoplay\/no\/preload\/no\/no_addthis\/no\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/672c5b\/\" width=\"500\" height=\"90\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3>Is it\u00a0even possible\u00a0to create a class culture in which kids don&#8217;t get an attitude or disrespect you over minor things (especially at the secondary level)?<\/h3>\n<p>Absolutely. In fact, how depressing would it be if that weren\u2019t possible? I don&#8217;t just <em>believe<\/em> it\u2019s possible, I&#8217;ve <em>seen<\/em> it, and I&#8217;ve seen it with all kinds of kids.<\/p>\n<p>I spend a lot of time in schools, and I&#8217;m in all kinds of schools \u2014\u00a0urban schools, suburban schools, rural schools, schools in the US, schools in other countries. <strong>I\u2019ve seen it happen, but creating that kind of classroom culture is not easy.<\/strong> I don&#8217;t have anything like, &#8220;All you have to do is ___ and you can have that kind of culture.\u201d There are a lot of things that go into it, including not just the personality of the students, but the personality of the teacher.<\/p>\n<p><strong>One of\u00a0the things I shrink from whenever we talk classroom management issues is espousing a particular strategy\u00a0because those strategies work if you have a particular personality.<\/strong> They don&#8217;t work with some personalities. We often don&#8217;t factor in who we are when we\u2019re thinking about grabbing strategies and applying them. There is no key that says if you&#8217;re this kind of personality, this strategy will work, and if you&#8217;re that kind of personality, this strategy will work. It\u2019s a lot of trial and error.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The teachers I&#8217;ve seen\u00a0pull\u00a0off\u00a0this off created a classroom culture that is a good fit for their own\u00a0personality and the personality of the kids involved.<\/strong> I think that both are really important, and I think it\u2019s often a missing link that people have when they\u2019re trying to figure out how to create that classroom.<\/p>\n<p>They think there\u2019s some magic bullet: \u201cI must not be doing something right,\u201d or \u201cI saw another teacher,\u201d or \u201cI read something that this teacher said, and it worked for them. Why isn&#8217;t it working for me?\u201d <strong>We don&#8217;t factor in who we are and how much of a difference that plays in whether or not a strategy will work.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3>What are appropriate consequences for kids who show disrespect?<\/h3>\n<p><strong>I think we have to distinguish between disruptions and disrespect, because not every disruption is disrespectful.<\/strong> I don&#8217;t think teachers should tolerate disrespect, <i>ever<\/i>. That always has to be addressed. But a disruption may not be a sign of disrespect. I think we have to be really clear about the difference. I\u2019m trying to think of a clean, easy distinction, but oftentimes there isn\u2019t one. One person\u2019s disruption is another person\u2019s disrespect.<\/p>\n<p>But typically I consider: Is the child trying to challenge my authority in the classroom? Is the child doing something in direct disregard for something that I&#8217;ve directly told them to do? That feels more like disrespect. Is a child being a teenager? Then that\u2019s a disruption.<\/p>\n<p>So disrespect I never ignore. Disruptions, I may or may not ignore them. I may not\u00a0directly address them right away because I might be able to redirect that student, or I may be able to get that student re-engaged. I think that that\u2019s the difference. <strong>We have to be really careful about how we interpret student behavior, because a lot of times in our frustration, we end up interpreting things as disrespect that were never intended to be disrespectful.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><strong>How do you keep yourself from taking students&#8217; misbehavior personally?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>I still struggle with not taking it personally, even though I know better. Somebody\u2019s attitude rubs me the wrong way or does something that I feel is disrespectful when really there\u2019s something else going on, and rather than taking the time to figure that out before I respond, I just react, and say, \u201cHold up. No. Wait a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Especially now, because a lot of times when I&#8217;m teaching or doing demonstration lessons, there\u2019s a lot riding on that demonstration. I\u2019m coming in and showing people how to do something, and I&#8217;m the supposed expert. And when somebody does something that\u2019s a disruption or is blatantly disrespectful, it\u2019s hard for me to step out of, \u201cWait a minute. You are challenging me. You are a 13-year-old. How dare you?\u201d Or, \u201cWait a minute. I\u2019ve got to show people that I know what I&#8217;m doing, so I can&#8217;t allow you to have any ground in my classroom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Those are short-term solutions. And you might be able to quash the rebellion in the moment, but you have lost the war, because <strong>classroom management\/discipline is supposed to be about helping our students become better at managing the learning\u00a0and managing themselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>When we sacrifice that bigger goal for a temporary win, we create other problems down the line, and it doesn&#8217;t even feel good to us.<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t. We think it\u2019s going to solve that issue of that, \u201cI feel disrespected,\u201d and it doesn\u2019t. It doesn\u2019t solve either of the issues. It just quashes the rebellion at the moment.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>How do you show\u00a0the class you&#8217;re in\u00a0control without escalating the situation?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p><i><\/i>When you make the wise decision to not escalate things in the middle of class and to address it later, it&#8217;s tough when the student tries to get the last word. There\u2019s something inside of us that\u00a0finds it hard to walk away from something like that. We immediately worry that our other students are going to think, \u201cOh no. Look, he got away with it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is a hard situation, and it\u2019s hard to take the long view of things. <strong>Students won&#8217;t think that he got away with it if you are effective in that post-classroom conversation, and the next day he comes to class and he\u2019s well-behaved.<\/strong> So you have to think about it from that perspective and remember: don&#8217;t sacrifice the war because you want to win a small skirmish. You&#8217;re fighting a bigger war.<\/p>\n<p>I hate to use war language when we\u2019re talking about dealing with children, and I say \u201cchildren\u201d but I mean teenagers. I taught secondary&#8211;I\u2019m not talking about third-graders here. I\u2019m talking about that 16-year-old who\u2019s being a jerk in class and doing it for attention, and at that moment, he is being disrespectful, right? So how do you deal with that?<\/p>\n<p>The first thing is that you have to keep in mind the longer game.\u00a0<strong>Is the goal of that exchange to prove to the other students that you&#8217;re in charge, especially when so many things can go wrong, or are there other ways to show students that you don&#8217;t tolerate that kind of behavior?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>For me, I think that if you let it go right then and there, as bad as that feels, and\u00a0you settle it when you talk with that student later on, and then that student comes to class the next day and is well-behaved and the students see that that student is being respectful to you \u2014 then what students are going to think is, \u201cWhoa. She must have let him have it in that other conversation. She\u2019s not somebody you mess with,\u201d and they leave it alone.<\/p>\n<p><strong>If you don&#8217;t settle it in that follow-up conversation, then that\u2019s when students start getting the idea that that behavior is tolerated.<\/strong> Students are always watching, yes, but you aren\u2019t tolerating that behavior now. What you&#8217;re <em>not<\/em> doing is getting in the last word, and eventually that student looks ridiculous, especially if you remain calm and you remain in control of the classroom.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the struggle: Remaining calm, because I know what that feels like in the moment. I\u2019ve had those situations where you&#8217;re sitting there and you&#8217;re thinking, \u201cOh no. What are the kids going to say? Do I respond? Do I not respond?\u201d And unfortunately, there\u2019s no manual for this because kids come up with all kinds of things that we\u2019re not prepared for. There\u2019s no way to prepare for it other than this:<\/p>\n<p><strong>At all times, remain calm. At all times, remain in control.<\/strong> You don&#8217;t worry so much about what the other kids are going to think, because you are in control, even of that situation. It\u2019s one thing if that student is doing something\u00a0and you&#8217;re cowering in a corner. It\u2019s another thing if students see you choosing to ignore that behavior. It\u2019s not that you are tolerating or they can get away with it. What students will see is that you\u2019ve made a choice to ignore that behavior.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>How do you show students you are CHOOSING not to engage?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>A long time ago I wrote a couple of blog posts, and the title of the series was, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/pulse\/20-signs-you-might-discipline-problem-robyn-jackson-chief-educator\">Are You a Discipline Problem?<\/a> And it was directed at teachers. It wasn\u2019t to blame teachers, but it was to make this point: A discipline problem is anything that disrupts instruction. Anything.<strong> Which means that a child can be a discipline problem, but it also means that a teacher can be a discipline problem. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>When you choose not to escalate the situation as a teacher, you choose not to become a discipline problem, because the moment that you start getting in the last word with that student, you now are playing that student\u2019s game. <\/strong>What you&#8217;re trying to do is get the student on your page, not get on the student\u2019s page. If the teacher follows up with the student, gets that student back on track, then that\u2019s what the class is going\u00a0to see&#8211;that\u2019s the permanent, lasting effect that students will notice.<\/p>\n<p><b><\/b>You\u00a0can make it clear to the other students that you are <i>choosing not to engage<\/i>. Even in how you ignore, you can look at the student sadly, shake your head, and then keep moving with what you&#8217;re doing and get everybody back on track. And that will look like you&#8217;re just, \u201cPoor pitiful little thing. You have no idea what you&#8217;re in for when I talk to you after class.\u201d You can do that, and that shows that you remain in control.<\/p>\n<p>If the student\u2019s trying to get you to react, and you do, then you&#8217;re playing his game. You just have to remember: W<i>ho\u2019s in charge? I am. <\/i>That means you just let the &#8220;last word&#8221; stuff go, even though it feels horrible to do so. <strong>But you don&#8217;t have to just let it go and act as if it didn&#8217;t happen. You can acknowledge it without engaging in it.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You can look at it and shrug your shoulders and keep moving with what you&#8217;re doing. Then everybody knows you saw it, you\u2019ve chosen to ignore it, and you\u2019ve handled it without escalating it.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>How do you find a\u00a0&#8220;teacher look&#8221;\u00a0that works consistently?\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Some\u00a0teachers are tough teachers. I\u2019m the kind of teacher that I could stop a kid in his tracks with a look. I\u2019ve looked at kids before, a kid started getting smart with me, and I looked at her, and she immediately said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry! I\u2019m sorry! I\u2019m sorry!\u201d <b><\/b>But that\u2019s who I am, right?<\/p>\n<p><b><\/b><strong>There are some people who haven&#8217;t found their teacher look yet, or whose look isn\u2019t as ferocious, and so they shouldn&#8217;t try the look.<\/strong> Because if kids\u00a0don&#8217;t buy your look, if there\u2019s no conviction behind it, then all students are\u00a0going to do is say, \u201cYou can look at me all you want \u2026 \u201d That can escalate things.<\/p>\n<p><b><\/b><strong> So whatever you do, commit to it, but make it fit who you are.<\/strong> Some teachers look disappointed, some teachers look sad but not cowed. Some teachers look at them and say a certain word. \u201cThe look\u201d can mean a lot of different things. It could be there\u2019s just a look, or maybe it\u2019s body language.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe you respond with humor. Some teachers might say, \u201cAw, do you need a hug?\u201d and then the rest of the class laughs. <strong>So you have to figure out who you are, and that\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to do something that\u2019s consistent with your personality, and not try to be the teacher with the look, if that\u2019s not who you are.<\/strong> You have to find what works for you.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Will\u00a0ignoring disruptive behavior\u00a0just make it\u00a0worse?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>There\u2019s a way to deal with the behavior without escalating it, without saying a word, that lets everybody know the student is going to be dealt with. He has not won, and everyone including him knows it&#8211;you&#8217;re just choosing to ignore it.<\/p>\n<p>And if you make the choice to ignore it obvious, that\u2019s the difference. <strong>It\u2019s when we don&#8217;t make that \u201cignoring choice\u201d obvious that there&#8217;s a problem. When kids aren&#8217;t sure:\u00a0\u201cAre you ignoring it or did he beat you into submission with his words? Which one is it?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So I think it\u2019s important that you have to make that choice obvious, however you choose to do that, but you don&#8217;t have to engage it or escalate it.<\/p>\n<p>I think that\u2019s the thing that they don&#8217;t teach us about deliberate ignoring:\u00a0<strong>you don&#8217;t ignore it as if you don&#8217;t see it<\/strong>. <strong>You&#8217;re just ignoring it as if, \u201cI\u2019m not going to deal with it at this time.\u201d<\/strong> And is students see that\u00a0choice, then you are still in control of your classroom.<\/p>\n<h3>What happens when you try to tell parents about a behavioral situation, and they think\u00a0you should accept being treated like a doormat?<\/h3>\n<p>Oh, no, never, never, never. Not just because \u201cno one deserves to be treated like a doormat,\u201d I just think it\u2019s hard for kids to learn in that kind of environment where they feel like they\u2019re in control of the classroom. It just hurts you and it hurts the kids, so never accept being treated like a doormat. But what do you do instead?<\/p>\n<p>As\u00a0a teacher, I had parents cussing me out, I had parents slamming down the phone and hanging up on me saying, \u201cYou handle school, I&#8217;ll handle home. If you can&#8217;t do your job, why are we paying taxes for you?\u201d I\u2019ve had parents come up to the school and lay me out. I\u2019ve had administrators who have capitulated to parents\u2019 demands.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve also had the other side of the coin as an administrator where parents are calling the school, and the child can do no wrong, and how dare you? I\u2019ve had parents get off the phone with me, leave work, and drive up to the school in order to just yell at me in person.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I&#8217;ve learned over the years that there are a couple of things you can do to enlist parent support:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Be proactive. At the very beginning of the year, outline what the expectations are, and also explain how you\u2019re going to support that student.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That way the idea of handling it in-house is re-couched as, \u201cWhen things get out of line,\u201d or \u201cIf things get out of line, here\u2019s how I&#8217;m going to help and support your child. And here are the ways that you can help me support your child,\u201d so that you lay out the expectations: \u201cWhen I give you a call, this is the script, this is how I expect you to handle it.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>You lay it out <em>before<\/em> things go badly, so that you have precedent there, and it\u2019s not the first time parents are encountering your expectation for their support. <strong>You\u2019ve laid out what that looks like to you, you\u2019ve had that conversation with parents ahead of time.<\/strong> You can do that at back-to-school night or in other ways.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2. Get\u00a0the story to the parent before the child\u00a0does.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If something happened in school that day, make the call home. Email is not enough, because parents may not read their email before they talk to their child, so you really want to get to the parent. Whoever gets to the parent first\u00a0controls the story.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3. If\u00a0you can&#8217;t get to the parent first and s\/he is angry, let the parent vent BEFORE you talk.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When parents are yelling at me like it\u2019s my fault, I don&#8217;t interrupt. I let them vent, and when they are done yelling, then I will come in and talk. I&#8217;ve been yelled at by a lot of parents\u00a0because I hold my kids at pretty high standards, and not all parents are supportive of that. So let them vent and hear them out, because <em>in their complaints you&#8217;ll always find the way to their hearts. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>I hated it when parents yelled at me and screamed at me.<strong> If parents are being disrespectful, they\u2019re cussing you, they\u2019re calling you outside of your name, you can stop the conversation until they can calm down, and then solicit some support. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But in most cases, they\u2019re like, \u201cI don&#8217;t know why you keep calling me. I feel like I&#8217;m doing my work at home. If you can\u2019t handle it \u2026 \u201d <strong>If it&#8217;s that kind of thing, hear it out. In that is a plea for help.<\/strong>\u00a0Basically, that parent is saying, \u201cI am having enough struggle controlling him at home. I don&#8217;t need more of this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>4. E<\/strong><strong>nlist parents as partners rather than tattling on their kids.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I think that\u2019s the most important thing. Parents may be accustomed to the school calling home about their child, and it feels like you&#8217;re tattling, or it feels like you&#8217;re saying their kid\u2019s not a good kid. <strong>So I try\u00a0to talk about what I&#8217;m doing and why I&#8217;m doing it, and use the language of the goals that the parents have for their own children.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><strong>How do you convince parents\u00a0that the consequence you chose was appropriate and get their support?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Once I had a situation with a father in which he didn&#8217;t believe the son should be suspended. I said, \u201cI know this feels like punitive\u00a0for your son and you don&#8217;t think he deserves it, but let me talk to you about what I&#8217;m hoping. Tell me what are your hopes for the kind of young man that you want your child to be.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And he started talking to me about that, and then I said, \u201cYou know, I have some of those same hopes for him, and this is why I think it\u2019s really important that he is suspended, because this isn\u2019t punitive. I want him to learn a lesson, and I think we\u2019ve gotten to the point where the only way he can learn this lesson is that he have a consequence that\u2019s dire. And in giving him a consequence on this level, we save him from having to face an even more dire consequence later on. We have to get this behavior out of him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>And so I talked to the father not just as, \u201cYour child did this, and therefore he\u2019s having this consequence,\u201d but also shared the thinking behind the consequence.<\/strong> I&#8217;m not asking him to handle something, which I think puts a lot of parents on a defensive kind of posture. I\u2019m saying, \u201cHere\u2019s what I&#8217;m doing in support of the type of child that I think we\u2019re both hoping that your son becomes, and here\u2019s what\u2019s behind it.\u201d And every time I&#8217;ve done that \u2014 and I&#8217;ve had to do it quite a bit \u2014 I&#8217;ve secured the support of the parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>When you don&#8217;t have the support of the parent, when it seems like they feel their child can do no wrong, you need to talk about the discipline not as a punishment. You connect it to the goals that the parent has for the child, to the challenges the parent may be having with the child.<\/strong> When you show the parents that this is not a punishment (that\u2019s what they\u2019re protecting their child from, punishment), you&#8217;re teaching them that this is another learning opportunity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>And when you do that sincerely, it\u2019s really hard for parents to resist someone who cares so much about their child that they\u2019re taking the time to apply the discipline, even when the parent doesn&#8217;t agree.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><strong>What\u00a0happens when your approach totally backfires \u2014 how do you figure out what you should have done differently?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p><b><\/b>One of the things that I find really challenging is that people will bring situations to me and they\u2019ll say, \u201cWhat should I have done?\u201d And the truth is, I don&#8217;t know. I wasn\u2019t there.<\/p>\n<p>And quite frankly, things happen so quickly in the classroom, it\u2019s hard to do a postmortem. It\u2019s hard to say, \u201cYou handled this correctly,\u201d or \u201cYou did it incorrectly.\u201d There are just so many moving parts.<\/p>\n<p>When I see teachers out there who are sincerely trying to support students, I wish that I had a tactic, a magic word, <em>something<\/em> that I could give them that works every time, but I&#8217;ve not found it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>When I can&#8217;t find the magic thing that works every single time, I always fall back on the principle that I should change my perspective and look to discipline as another learning opportunity.<\/strong> <strong>It\u2019s something that I would treat with the same rigor that I use when planning any other lesson.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When I&#8217;m planning my consequences and my responses, I plan it with the same intention that I would plan a learning activity. I think about what I want the child to ultimately learn from engaging in this disciplinary activity with me or working with this child to manage behavior. \u00a0It relieves me of some of the natural, human feelings around how the child is behaving at that moment.<\/p>\n<p>And it\u2019s a hard thing to hold onto. I&#8217;m not perfect at it. But every time I&#8217;ve done it that way, I have found a way to reach the child. And every time that I haven&#8217;t done it that way, I look back with regret on how I handled things.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>No time to finish reading now?\u00a0Download the audio\u00a0and listen later on the go!<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/5269344\/height\/90\/width\/500\/theme\/custom\/autonext\/no\/thumbnail\/yes\/autoplay\/no\/preload\/no\/no_addthis\/no\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/672c5b\/\" width=\"500\" height=\"90\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3>How do you respond when nearly half the class is\u00a0talking over you?<\/h3>\n<p>I stop. I mean, what\u2019s funny is, it\u2019s not just kids. It happens to me when I train teachers, too. <b><\/b><b><\/b> I stop. I just stop. Sometimes it may take four or five minutes, depending on the class. If I&#8217;m walking in cold, I might not do this \u2026 but I&#8217;ll tell you what I don&#8217;t do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I don&#8217;t say, \u201cI&#8217;m not going to talk as long as you&#8217;re talking,\u201d because then they\u2019re like, \u201cFine. We don&#8217;t want to hear from you anyway, thank you.\u201d<\/strong> <strong>So I don&#8217;t set myself up for that response, but I stop and I talk about <\/strong><strong><i>why<\/i><\/strong><strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I try to make a case for why what I&#8217;m saying is more important, and try to secure their respect. But I don&#8217;t talk over kids. I don&#8217;t just keep going, especially when it\u2019s half the class. And I don&#8217;t try to say anything smart either because that\u2019s just a setup. I just stop. And when people get quiet, I start talking again.<\/p>\n<h3><b>How do you respond to profanity \u2014 when kids are just casually conversing with each other and you hear a curse word?<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><b><\/b><b><\/b> Oh, no. I&#8217;m old-fashioned. People have to work on their own tolerance. Nowadays the language is so profane, but my kids know how I am about this\u00a0from the beginning. A lot of times I don&#8217;t have to say anything. <strong>A lot of times it\u2019s just a part of how they speak, and they catch themselves, and they\u2019re like, \u201cOops.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When I was younger, when I first became a teacher, I was trying to charge 10 cents every time somebody cursed, but that creates a lot of problems, so don&#8217;t do that!<\/p>\n<p>What\u00a0I try to do now is just set an atmosphere in the classroom where kids know that\u2019s not appropriate, and then when it happens, I just stop, and I say, <strong>\u201cCan you rephrase that using the language of the classroom?\u201d<\/strong> And kids do, and they apologize, because they know that that\u2019s not something that I really like in the classroom.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>What do you do when a student refuses to comply with a really simple request, like &#8220;put your phone away&#8221; or &#8220;sit down&#8221;?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>When a student refuses to comply with a simple request, most of the time there\u2019s a bigger issue at stake. It\u2019s not just about the request&#8211;there\u2019s something else going on. <strong>And a lot of times it doesn\u2019t have anything to do with you on that particular day. They\u2019re going through something else. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So if they refuse to comply with a simple request, I&#8217;m not going to stop instruction until I force them into submission. <strong>I\u2019m going to get instruction going and then check in with the kid, because if not, that\u2019s how you get those blow-ups<\/strong>. That\u2019s how you get the kids who just go off.<\/p>\n<p><strong>If it\u2019s a simple request like &#8220;put your phone away&#8221;, and they don&#8217;t do it, I move on. I say, \u201cOK, I&#8217;ll deal with you in a second.\u201d<\/strong> I get everybody else moving so that the learning in the classroom doesn&#8217;t stop, and then I deal with that student.<\/p>\n<p>The exception is if it&#8217;s become\u00a0a big disruption (like if they\u2019re loudly playing a game on their phone, and it\u2019s interrupting everybody else\u2019s learning), because then I&#8217;m going to have to deal with it right away.\u00a0They\u2019ve created a bigger issue. But if it\u2019s just simply, \u201cMy phone\u2019s out. I\u2019m not putting it away right now, and you can&#8217;t make me,\u201d then let me get everybody else started so I as the teacher don&#8217;t become the discipline problem. And then once I&#8217;ve got everybody moving where they need to go, then I&#8217;m going to go deal with that student, and at that point, it\u2019s not about the phone.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things I learned from Cynthia Tobias, who has this <a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2qyfPAF\">great book on strong-willed children<\/a>, is <strong>when strong-willed kids don&#8217;t comply with a simple request, ask the question, \u201cHow come?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So I say, \u201cPut your phone away,\u201d and then the student just doesn&#8217;t do it or says no, and then I say, \u201cHow come?\u201d calmly. And a lot of times that gets them talking so I can find out what else is going on. They&#8217;ll say, \u201cI\u2019m talking to my mother \u2014 my grandmother is sick,\u201d or \u201cI don&#8217;t feel like it.\u201d \u201cOK, why not?\u201d <strong>You get them engaged in conversations that can help you figure out what\u2019s going on and help you deal with the real issue, and not make the phone the issue.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><strong>How do you respond to\u00a0kids who are volatile and belligerent when they\u2019re spoken to about their behavior \u2014 those who can&#8217;t accept correction? <\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Oftentimes I&#8217;ll say, \u201cWe can&#8217;t continue to do this. I have a job, and you\u2019ve got a job. And a lot of times you&#8217;re reacting in ways that, to me, feel out of proportion for what I&#8217;m asking you to do. So I need to know what\u2019s going on with you, and we\u2019re going to have to figure out something else that you can do instead, because that particular reaction doesn\u2019t work. <strong>You&#8217;re allowed to have a reaction, but let\u2019s find one that will work in the classroom.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then we figure out something that works. <strong>With some students, I\u2019ve had to do \u201cantiseptic bounces.&#8221;<\/strong>\u00a0So I might say, &#8220;OK. Our arrangement is that if you&#8217;re getting to the point where you feel like you can&#8217;t behave in this classroom, then you can go sit in the back of Ms. So-and-So\u2019s classroom and finish your work there, and Ms. So-and-So knows you&#8217;re coming.\u201d The student goes in her room, and sits in the back. I\u2019ve found that that works with some of the really volatile students.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Others have a safe word that they say when they feel like they\u2019re about to go off.<\/strong> <b><\/b>And when I hear that word (it\u2019s something that\u2019s just between me and the student), I say, \u201cOK,\u201d and I back off. The student then gets himself together and we address the issue when he&#8217;s\u00a0calmer.<\/p>\n<p>I have to work it out with the student so that we have an agreement. <strong>Then once you have that agreement, you can hold them accountable to the <em>agreement<\/em>, even when you can&#8217;t hold them accountable to the <em>behavior<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong>and to the behavioral expectations of the classroom.<\/p>\n<h3><b>What&#8217;s the most important thing you\u00a0try to remember about\u00a0student behavior, attitudes, and disrespect?<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><strong>You have a bigger end game than that moment when you feel disrespected. And you&#8217;re not just teaching that student: every student who witnesses it learns something, too.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So, you have to be very careful about how you respond to student behavior and address it. <strong>Because in that moment, whether you realize it or not, you are teaching.<\/strong> You want to make sure that you&#8217;re teaching the right lessons in every interaction.\u00a0It&#8217;s\u00a0not just that student: everybody\u2019s watching, and everybody\u2019s learning.<\/p>\n<p>I think when you take that principled approach, you cut down on a lot of the disciplinary issues that happen in the classroom so they never even come to the surface. You never even have to deal with them when you set up a classroom in that way.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Want to learn more from Robyn Jackson? Visit\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.mindstepsinc.com\">mindstepsinc.com<\/a>, or check out her (amazing!) book, <a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2qEQ4hg\">Never Work Harder Than Your Students and Other Principles of Great Teaching<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><i>This post is based on an episode from my weekly podcast, <\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers\"><i>Angela Watson\u2019s Truth for Teachers<\/i><\/a><i>. A podcast is like a free talk radio show you can listen to online, or download and take with you wherever you go. I release a new 15-20 minute episode each Sunday and feature it here on the blog to help you get energized and motivated for the week ahead.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/angela-watsons-truth-for-teachers\/id954139712#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-18483 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/TFT-Podcast-Icon-500x500.png\" alt=\"Truth for Teachers podcast: a weekly 10 minute talk radio show you can download and take with you wherever you go! A new episode is released each Sunday to get you energized and motivated for the week ahead.\" width=\"158\" height=\"157\" \/><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/category\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">See blog posts\/transcripts for all episodes<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/angela-watsons-truth-for-teachers\/id954139712#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/podcast\/angela-watsons-truth-for-teachers?refid=stpr\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Subscribe to the podcast in Stitcher<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019ve written A LOT\u00a0about behavior management: creating a strong, positive classroom culture and being proactive, as well as what to do about extreme student behaviors and how to undo your classroom management mistakes. I&#8217;ve talked about how to avoid getting discouraged by these kinds of behaviors, and how to\u00a0not give up on apathetic kids. But &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/\">Continued<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":126582,"menu_order":152,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","categories":[9,10,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-126570","podcasts","type-podcasts","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-classroom-management","category-mindset-motivation","category-truth-for-teachers-podcast"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Truth For Teachers | How to respond to rude, disrespectful students<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I think we have to distinguish between disruptions and disrespect, because not every disruption is disrespectful. I don&#039;t think teachers should tolerate disrespect.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to respond to rude, disrespectful student attitudes\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Is there a way to keep kids from eye rolling, teeth sucking, and muttering under their breath every time you give a direction?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Truth For Teachers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TruthForTeachers\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-05-20T23:46:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/robyn-alternative-fb-2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"How to respond to rude, disrespectful student attitudes\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Is there a way to keep kids from eye rolling, teeth sucking, and muttering under their breath every time you give a direction?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"24 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/\",\"name\":\"Truth For Teachers | How to respond to rude, disrespectful students\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/respond-rude-disrespectful-student-attitudes\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/student-attitudes-with-logo-and-border.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-05-07T16:00:30+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-05-20T23:46:18+00:00\",\"description\":\"I think we have to distinguish between disruptions and disrespect, because not every disruption is disrespectful. 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