{"id":141027,"date":"2019-08-04T12:00:21","date_gmt":"2019-08-04T16:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/?post_type=podcasts&#038;p=141027"},"modified":"2024-08-12T02:03:37","modified_gmt":"2024-08-12T07:03:37","slug":"change-the-story-you-tell-yourself","status":"publish","type":"podcasts","link":"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Tell yourself a better story this school year"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>There are facts, and there&#8217;s the story you&#8217;re telling yourself about the facts. What story are you telling yourself this school year?<\/h2>\n<p>Here&#8217;s the thing: there are multiple truths that can be happening simultaneously. You can choose to focus on the ones that make you feel better or the ones that make you feel worse. You can also interrogate the story you are telling yourself about the facts, and make sure it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-141055 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-tall-2-333x500.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"333\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-tall-2-333x500.jpg 333w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-tall-2-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-tall-2-683x1024.jpg 683w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-tall-2-300x450.jpg 300w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-tall-2.jpg 1000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 333px) 100vw, 333px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Listen to episode 168 below,<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>or subscribe in your podcast app.<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/10696016\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/672c5b\/\" width=\"500\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Examining stories is a very useful strategy for school-based work. Notice the stories that you layer on top of the facts.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say a parent asks you a question about your class policies.<\/p>\n<p>You can choose the interpretation that the parent doubts your teaching abilities, is criticizing your approach, and is upset with you. Or, you could choose the interpretation that the parent is curious and wants to understand better what their child is telling them.<\/p>\n<p>You could choose the interpretation that the parent doesn\u2019t respect teachers and is intentionally undermining you, or the interpretation that the parent wants the best for their child and the process of uncovering what\u2019s best, feels uncomfortable to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>It\u2019s important to notice the story you\u2019re telling yourself, particularly when you don\u2019t yet have all the facts, because it will keep you from jumping to conclusions.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Perhaps the parent has a personal vendetta against you and that will become obvious later on. But our minds tend to go to the worst-case scenario right away. This is a feature of the human brain that served us well in ancient times \u2014 our brains are primed to notice potential danger and respond to them.<\/p>\n<p>But in the workplace, our threats are nasty emails, not saber-toothed tigers. So we\u2019ve got to be aware of our brain\u2019s tendency to assume the worst and prepare for attack or defense at all times.<\/p>\n<p>The first time you get that email that feels like a red flag, the one from a parent or maybe a student or colleague or admin that feels like it could be a bit passive-aggressive or snarky or rude? Notice the story you\u2019re telling yourself.<\/p>\n<p><strong>A key phrase I\u2019ve noticed in my own thoughts that lets me know I&#8217;m catastrophizing is, \u201cHere we go again.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>At the first sign of a student misbehaving on the first day of school, for example, my brain will immediately think, \u201cHere we go again, I\u2019ve got a kid who\u2019s going to do THAT again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is because our brain is always pattern-seeking. We are looking for meaning. We don\u2019t process events in isolation, we compare them to things that have already happened and we look for connections.<\/p>\n<p>If something signaled a danger or threat in the past, and that even happens again in a completely different context, our brain will still want to prime us to go on offense and anticipate danger.<\/p>\n<p>This is the opposite of the reaction we want to have in building healthy relationships with the people around us. We have to consciously and intentionally de-escalate those thoughts. Examine them. Notice that they are happening, and ask:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Is this really true, or did I just jump to conclusions? Did I see this student roll his eyes and assume, <em>here we go again<\/em>, he\u2019s going to give me attitude all year and I shouldn\u2019t have to put up with this and I can\u2019t even make it through five minutes in class without a kid being rude to me?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-141185 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote-500x500.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote-500x500.jpg 500w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote-100x100.jpg 100w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-quote.jpg 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Stop that train of thought by asking, \u201cWhat is the story I\u2019m telling myself about this situation?\u201d You may notice that you have constructed an entire framework for the other person\u2019s behavior and motivation based on one action they took or one sentence they spoke.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When that\u2019s the case, ask yourself, \u201cWhat else might be true about this situation?\u201d<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Could it be true that the student is in a bad mood today?<\/li>\n<li>Could it be true that the student is defensive because of all the anxiety of starting a new school year?<\/li>\n<li>Could it be true that the teacher in the class before mine was aggressive with him and now he\u2019s carrying over that anger to my class?<\/li>\n<li>Could it be true that something happened at home or in his personal life that has nothing to do with me that is making him short-tempered and impatient today?<\/li>\n<li>Could it be true that I don\u2019t have to interpret the eye roll as a problem right now?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>When you begin to interrogate your own thoughts and examine the stories you\u2019re telling yourself about what&#8217;s happening, you immediately remove some of the stress and anxiety from the situation. You are no longer locked into your interpretation but are seeing things from other perspectives.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You are also releasing yourself to choose the story that serves you best.<\/p>\n<p>Choosing the story that the parent or student or your partner or whoever is going to make your life miserable with this behavior is a story that does not strengthen your relationship with that person. It doesn\u2019t put you in your best possible state to handle the situation with grace, maturity, flexibility, and patience.<\/p>\n<p>So why choose that story then? Multiple stories could be true.<\/p>\n<p>And, multiple stories can exist concurrently. Life is not always black and white. There\u2019s a lot of nuance and paradox, particularly when it comes to our relationships with others.<\/p>\n<p>Why not choose the story that gives the other person the benefit of the doubt, particularly if that story is the one that makes you feel less stressed out?<\/p>\n<p>You can also dialogue directly with the other person about the story you\u2019re telling yourself. Have you seen Bren\u00e9 Brown\u2019s Ted talk that\u2019s streamlining on Netflix right now? It\u2019s worth the watch. She shares how one of the things she says to her husband that avoids a lot of conflict is, \u201cHere\u2019s the story I\u2019m telling myself right now. Is this true? Is this what you meant?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So assuming you have a relationship with your student, you could choose a calm time after an unpleasant interaction and say something like, \u201cI noticed you rolling your eyes earlier. The story I told myself about that is that you don\u2019t like my class and you don\u2019t respect me as your teacher. Is that what you were actually feeling, or am I making that up?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then listen to understand where the student is coming from.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Listen with curiosity rather than judgment.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Listen to get an accurate story \u2014 the objective truth about the facts \u2014 so that you can respond to what\u2019s really happening and not a scenario you created in your own head.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Same thing with the parent issue: Say, \u201cThe story I\u2019m telling myself about your email is that you\u2019re doubting my abilities as a teacher and you don&#8217;t think I know what I\u2019m doing. Was that what you intended for me to feel, or am I reading into things? What were you hoping I would say or do in response to your message?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Again, this is done with genuine curiosity and desire to understand. It is not a trap to trick the other person into telling you how they feel and attacking each other. It\u2019s a real question so you know if your story is true.<\/p>\n<p>If your story is true, then you can deal with that when you know it is a fact and not just a story. You can respond differently if a person confirms that they genuinely do not like or trust you and wanted you to be hurt or offended.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But I think you\u2019ll be surprised at how often peoples&#8217; intentions do not match their impact. What they tried to communicate through their words and actions is not actually how they meant to make you feel or the outcome they were trying to produce. Often they\u2019re not even thinking about the impact, they\u2019re just lashing out without even considering how it will make you feel.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So these kinds of conversations can bring humanity back to the relationship: They will allow you to be your authentic self and show your real feelings instead of hiding them, and you\u2019re doing it without making accusations or getting defensive.<\/p>\n<p>Remember that multiple stories can be true, and you can choose the interpretation that serves you best. Something might be true but it might not be healthy or productive to focus on that. So, examine your thoughts, and ask yourself:<em> Am I escalating this situation by layering on an interpretation that makes things worse? Is this really true, or is this a story I\u2019m telling myself?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Freeing yourself from these stories will bring you a lot of peace.<\/p>\n<p>For example, if you&#8217;re sitting in a meeting that feels like a waste of time, it might genuinely be true that your time is better spent working in your classroom. But you can make that meeting even more unpleasant if you focus on that story, if you are repeating to yourself, \u201cI shouldn&#8217;t have to be here, I have so many other things to get done, this is a waste of time, this person doesn\u2019t respect my time, I\u2019m never going to be able to get my lessons done if they keep doing this to me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All of that is the story you\u2019re layering on top of the facts. The fact is, you\u2019re sitting in a meeting that doesn\u2019t feel useful to you. Telling yourself those stories about the meeting will make you feel agitated and will make it harder to calm down and get back into your productive flow when the meeting is over. Those stories make the experience worse than it needs to be.<\/p>\n<p>So just deal with the facts: This meeting doesn&#8217;t feel worthwhile. Then choose some other thoughts:<\/p>\n<p><em>C<\/em><em>an I zone out right now and plan something mentally that I needed to think through for my classroom? Can I make some notes for myself about what I\u2019m going to do when I get back to my room and start getting myself in that headspace? Can I just sit and breathe and step back from this whole experience and be present for a moment, see the big picture and notice the parts of this experience that feel good to me, like the fact that I\u2019m sitting with my colleague that I love and we\u2019re planning that awesome unit together?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>So, differentiate between the facts and the story you\u2019re telling yourself about the facts. Examine the story to see if it\u2019s really true, and decide if the story you\u2019re choosing is serving you well. When you get locked into one story, ask yourself, &#8220;What else might be true about this situation? What might be happening that I haven\u2019t considered yet?\u201d Choose the stories that help you rather than discourage you.<\/p>\n<p>Tell yourself a better story.<\/p>\n<div class=\"xmsonormal\">\n<p><em><strong>Thank you, Advancement Courses, for sponsoring today\u2019s show. You can earn graduate credits or CEUs through over 200 online PD courses in 19 different subject areas for K-12 teachers. Everything is online and self-paced, and you have 6 months to complete. Right now, you can save 20% off each course with code TRUTH20 \u2013 that\u2019s just $120 per graduate credit hour. To learn more, visit <a href=\"https:\/\/www.advancementcourses.com\/?utm_source=thecornerstoneforteachers&amp;utm_medium=influencer&amp;tid=2971135&amp;utm_content=podcast_aug19&amp;utm_campaign=truthforteachers_08042019\">advancementcourses.com\/truth<\/a>.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/angela-watsons-truth-for-teachers\/id954139712#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-18483 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/TFT-Podcast-Icon-500x500.png\" alt=\"Truth for Teachers podcast: a weekly 10 minute talk radio show you can download and take with you wherever you go! A new episode is released each Sunday to get you energized and motivated for the week ahead.\" width=\"158\" height=\"157\" \/><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/category\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">See blog posts\/transcripts for all episodes<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/angela-watsons-truth-for-teachers\/id954139712#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/1KICZW01ohDN9jlkclrQew\"><strong>Subscribe to the podcast in Spotify<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #111111;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #213673;\" href=\"https:\/\/playmusic.app.goo.gl\/?ibi=com.google.PlayMusic&amp;isi=691797987&amp;ius=googleplaymusic&amp;apn=com.google.android.music&amp;link=https:\/\/play.google.com\/music\/m\/Ibzn2is6hrmbguhlj5ovfsxe7ea?t%3DAngela_Watson%27s_Truth_for_Teachers%26pcampaignid%3DMKT-na-all-co-pr-mu-pod-16\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Subscribe to the podcast in Google Play<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are facts, and there&#8217;s the story you&#8217;re telling yourself about the facts. What story are you telling yourself this school year? Here&#8217;s the thing: there are multiple truths that can be happening simultaneously. You can choose to focus on the ones that make you feel better or the ones that make you feel worse. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself\/\">Continued<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":141056,"menu_order":80,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","categories":[10,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-141027","podcasts","type-podcasts","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mindset-motivation","category-truth-for-teachers-podcast"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Truth For Teachers | Tell yourself a better story this school year<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here&#039;s the thing: there are multiple truths that can be happening simultaneously. You can choose to focus on the ones that make you feel better or the ones...\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tell yourself a better story this school year\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There are facts, and there&#039;s the story you&#039;re telling yourself about the facts. What story are you telling yourself this school year?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Truth For Teachers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TruthForTeachers\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-08-12T07:03:37+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/change-the-story-you-tell-yourself-fb-2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1024\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"512\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Tell yourself a better story this school year\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"There are facts, and there&#039;s the story you&#039;re telling yourself about the facts. 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