{"id":1419,"date":"2014-08-08T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-08-08T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thecornerstone.wpengine.com\/5-ridiculously-unhelpful-things-ive-said-students\/"},"modified":"2022-03-09T00:33:15","modified_gmt":"2022-03-09T05:33:15","slug":"5-ridiculously-unhelpful-things-ive-said-students","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/5-ridiculously-unhelpful-things-ive-said-students\/","title":{"rendered":"5 ridiculously unhelpful things I\u2019ve said to students"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was recently chatting online with a teacher who was sharing how embarrassed she was at a recent interaction with a student. He was frustrated with something in\u00a0class and\u00a0she told him, \u201cStop crying and get back to work.\u201d As we reflected on that together, she wrote:<\/p>\n

Imagine how I would feel if I were crying and someone told me \u201cStop it, grown ups don\u2019t act like that.\u201d Well, how about you help me process my thoughts and feelings so I can behave better then? That\u2019s what we have to do for our students\u2026.It is easier to lecture, berate, and shame than to support them in changing. In those times when we truly don\u2019t have it in us to be the positive support our kids need, we\u2019re better to be silent and then follow up later with a calm discussion than to speak out of frustration and anger.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That got me thinking about some really ineffective and unhelpful things I\u2019ve said to students over the years. Here is the (short) list of statements I hope to have removed permanently from my vocabulary:<\/p>\n

1. You\u2019re in 3rd grade, you need to act like it!<\/h3>\n

What it really means<\/strong>: I expect you to demonstrate self-control every minute of the school day.<\/p>\n

Why it\u2019s ineffective:\u00a0<\/strong>Last time I checked, third graders are 8 years old. 8 year olds tend to be silly, impulsive, and often times illogical. So every time I uttered this statement, my kids WERE acting like third graders\u2026they just weren\u2019t acting like the elusive Perfectly Behaved Third Grader I had envisioned in my mind.<\/p>\n

What I\u2019d say instead:<\/strong>\u00a0I know you can do better than this. I believe in you.<\/p>\n

2. Why are you doing that\/Why do I see playing around\/hear talking?<\/h3>\n

What it really means:<\/strong>\u00a0Stop that right now!<\/p>\n

Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/strong>\u00a0In those moments, I\u2019ve already decided there\u2019s no good reason for anyone to be acting that way, so I don\u2019t really want to hear what\u2019s causing it or get into a debate with the kids about whether it\u2019s justified. So, it\u2019s better to replace those unproductive \u201cwhy\u201d questions with questions that inspire constructive responses from students and help them think about their behavioral choices.<\/p>\n

What I\u2019d say instead:<\/strong>\u00a0What should you be doing right now?<\/p>\n

3. That\u2019s none of your business. Worry about yourself.<\/h3>\n

What it really means:<\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t feel like dealing with this or you right now.<\/p>\n

Why it\u2019s ineffective:\u00a0<\/strong>Responding to tattling that way often tears down rather than build up a classroom community, and it\u2019s confusing to kids. Do I want students to only worry about themselves, or do I want them to help each other? How are they supposed to know when to pay attention to what\u2019s happening with their peers and when to only care about themselves?<\/p>\n

One minute I say, \u201cDon\u2019t just sit there, help her pick those crayons up!\u201d and the next I say, \u201cDo your work and let her take care of herself!\u201d I say, \u201cYou knew he was writing those rude things on the cover of that book and you didn\u2019t do anything?!\u201d and then an hour later snap, \u201cWorry about yourself\u2014that doesn\u2019t concern you!\u201d It\u2019s more effective to teach kids how to address problems with each other.<\/p>\n

What I\u2019d say instead:<\/strong>\u00a0Did you talk to him\/her about that?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

4. If you don\u2019t want to learn, then you shouldn\u2019t be here.<\/h3>\n

What it really means<\/strong>:\u00a0I have no obligation to teach students who aren\u2019t\u00a0enthusiastic and compliant.<\/p>\n

Why it\u2019s ineffective:\u00a0<\/strong>It\u2019s just not true! Our job is to teach the students we have, not the ones we wish we had. I\u2019ve actually taken the unhelpful statement a step further and said,\u00a0\u201cYou don\u2019t want to participate? Then leave!\u201d and sent the kid\u00a0to a coworker\u2019s classroom for an hour or so.\u00a0That solved the problem of my derailed\u00a0lesson, but not the problem of the child\u2019s disengagement.\u00a0While I think it\u2019s appropriate to remove a disruptive child sometimes, it shouldn\u2019t be done with the premise that the student is only welcome in the classroom when they are fully invested in their learning.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m also uncomfortable with making the\u00a0determination that a\u00a0child is not going to learn\u2013sometimes kids get sucked into a lesson halfway through, but if we remove them from the room at the first sign of disinterest, they don\u2019t get the opportunity to self-correct. I tended to have a knee-jerk reaction to certain students: I\u2019d anticipate a behavior problem and give up on the student before they even did anything wrong: \u201cOh, you\u2019re going to sigh because I said to take out a pencil? GO!\u201d Talk about an overreaction!<\/p>\n

What I\u2019d say instead:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong>We\u2019re counting on you to participate with this and we want you to join in appropriately. If you choose not to, please sit at the table over there so your group can continue working. You\u2019re welcome to re-join anytime you\u2019re ready. [If needed:<\/em>\u00a0If you choose not to complete the assignment, we can talk later about the consequences for that.]<\/p>\n

5. Do you want to get a zero\/repeat 3rd\u00a0grade? Then you need to get to work!<\/h3>\n

What it really means<\/strong>: I am terrified that you\u2019re going to fail and I\u2019m going to be held accountable for it.<\/p>\n

Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/strong>\u00a0I\u2019ve uttered this question when\u00a0I\u2019m frustrated because I feel like I\u2019m more invested in the student\u2019s success than s\/he is. However, if\u00a0you\u2019ve ever threatened a child with repeating the grade level or course, then you know it\u2019s a generally a\u00a0poor motivator and does not inspire them to care on the same level that you do. It might get them back on task for the moment, but it does nothing to build their confidence. It creates anxiety and raises the stakes for a task that they already find difficult and uninteresting. Why not stop\u00a0with the dramatics and just help the kid get back on task?<\/p>\n

What I\u2019d say instead:<\/strong>\u00a0Which part are you stuck on? How can I help?<\/p>\n

While I\u2019m betting you probably recognize yourself a bit in this post, I hope you won\u2019t rush to defend practices that could probably use improvement, and I hope you won\u2019t condemn yourself. These are not 5 statements that make you a bad teacher: they\u2019re just things that I have stepped back from, reflected on, and decided, \u201cYeah, that was a pretty ridiculous thing to say in that moment and not helpful to my kids. Next time, I\u2019m going to try to respond more productively.\u201d The only way to become more effective in our interactions with students is to reflect on our practice, and I hope my words today have been a jumping off point for you to think about some of your common phrases that could use replacing.<\/em><\/p>\n

Share your thoughts with us!\u00a0Is there anything you\u2019ve caught yourself saying to\u00a0students that you would never want to repeat? What are the\u00a0ineffective responses you say a lot and are trying\u00a0to move away from?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was recently chatting online with a teacher who was sharing how embarrassed she was at a recent interaction with a student. He was frustrated with something in\u00a0class and\u00a0she told him, \u201cStop crying and get back to work.\u201d As we reflected on that together, she wrote: Imagine how I would feel if I were crying … Continued<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":147332,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,2458,10,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1419","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-classroom-management","category-equity-resources","category-mindset-motivation","category-teaching-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nTruth For Teachers | 5 ridiculously unhelpful things I\u2019ve said to students<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/5-ridiculously-unhelpful-things-ive-said-students\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Truth For Teachers | 5 ridiculously unhelpful things I\u2019ve said to students\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was recently chatting online with a teacher who was sharing how embarrassed she was at a recent interaction with a student. 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