{"id":142834,"date":"2021-02-14T12:00:01","date_gmt":"2021-02-14T16:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/?post_type=podcasts&#038;p=142834"},"modified":"2024-08-11T23:51:49","modified_gmt":"2024-08-12T04:51:49","slug":"instead-of-giving-grace","status":"publish","type":"podcasts","link":"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/","title":{"rendered":"When no one&#8217;s showing YOU grace &#8230; make space instead"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>The inspiration for this podcast came from the very popular phrase of \u201cgiving people grace\u201d during this pandemic.<\/h2>\n<p>It\u2019s a term that really seems to come into popularity in spring 2020 when we were first doing emergency remote teaching.<\/p>\n<p>The motto for many schools became: <em>Give students grace: don\u2019t hold them to unrealistic or harsh standards for turning in work, make deadlines more aspirational than hard and fast. Give parents grace and understand how stressful this is on them suddenly having their kids learning from home.<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>At the beginning of the pandemic, teachers were hailed as heroes. They had changed their entire model of teaching on a dime, literally overnight in some cases, and were going the extra mile to let their students know they were cared for and loved.<\/p>\n<p>Well, the \u201cteachers are heroes\u201d narrative\u201d lasted about a month, from what I observed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Once it became clear that most schools were not going to be reopened last school year, I think a lot of folks started panicking that the kids were going to \u201cfall behind\u201d and lose an entire quarter of the school year, and therefore we could not give grace to teachers. They were once again responsible for doing the impossible, and working miracles for students in even more challenging conditions than before the pandemic.<\/p>\n<p>Fast forward to this school year, in which many districts have attempted to just get back to normal and act like nothing is going on.<\/p>\n<p>I will repeat in this episode as I have been nearly every other one just to validate the folks who feel like they\u2019re losing their minds: nothing about this is normal.<\/p>\n<p>Holding teachers, students, school leaders, or anyone else in the education system to our previous expectations for productivity and student learning right now is unreasonable. I\u2019m acknowledging that it\u2019s happening and trying to help you find ways to deal with that and improve the situation, but I am in no way condoning it.<\/p>\n<p>A teacher named Kerry recently expressed her concerns about this in a comment on my Facebook page, about what she calls \u201cthe empty refrain of \u2018giving grace.&#8221; She wrote,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>\u201cIt feels tone-deaf to hear &#8216;give grace\u2019 when coming from people who are demanding more than ever. I can give my students grace; I do it daily. But the same person who\u2019s observing me, telling me to administer benchmarks, questioning my students\u2019 readiness for state testing, directing me to check in with students and act as their counselor, and having me track down and combat truancy, is doing this all while reminding me to give myself grace and take time for self-care as well.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Kerry is right. And all of this has led to is a bunch of very frustrated and overwhelmed teachers who are tired of extending grace to everyone else while they\u2019re being observed and evaluated and preparing their students for standardized testing as if it\u2019s a perfectly normal year.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to share a different way to think about this, and then I\u2019m going to talk about some ways that you can make it more likely that other people will give you grace.<\/p>\n<p><strong>By grace, I mean having other people respect the fact that you <em>also<\/em> are living through a pandemic; you <em>also<\/em> have had to change a lot about your lifestyle and pretty much everything about how you teach, and you <em>also<\/em> are stressed, traumatized, and exhausted. You <em>also<\/em> cannot be held to unreasonable standards or normal levels of productivity.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-142853\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-tall-1-333x500.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"333\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-tall-1-333x500.jpg 333w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-tall-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-tall-1-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-tall-1-300x450.jpg 300w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-tall-1.jpg 1000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 333px) 100vw, 333px\" \/><\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Listen to episode 215 below,<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>or subscribe in your podcast app<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/17933618\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/672c5b\/\" width=\"500\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h5 style=\"text-align: center;\">Learn more about my books, printables, and online courses <a href=\"http:\/\/tftsage.test\">here<\/a><\/h5>\n<h3><b>Solution #1: Instead of giving grace, think of giving people space to be themselves<\/b><\/h3>\n<p>The first thing we want to address is defusing some of the resentment about how you\u2019re supposed to give others grace. If you can change, think about the way that you give grace to other people that might make things a little bit easier on you. I\u2019m going to propose that instead of giving people grace, that you give them space instead.<\/p>\n<p>Think of it as giving people space to be themselves: space to have up days and down days, low moods and high moods. Give people space to be inconsistent in how they think, feel, and behave.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Giving someone space to be themselves means that you are not boxing them in, restricting them in unnecessary ways, making them conform to what you want them to conform. There\u2019s just a little bit of space within the expectations \u2014 some room for the person to move and grow and be the way they need to be, to have bad days, to be unmotivated sometimes. Instead of closing in on them more tightly when that happens, expand the space you give them to be themselves and to cope in the way that they need to.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Giving people space to be themselves is the exact opposite of trying to control and micromanage people. When you give students and their families space, you allow them to be super responsive sometimes and then not responsive at all.<\/p>\n<p>You give them space to participate a lot at times and to have participation dwindle at times. You give them space to experience a full range of human emotions, to be sad and unproductive for a few days, and then back on the ball for a few days, and then in need of a lot of follow-ups and reminders again for a few days after that.<\/p>\n<p>And you can respond to all of these variations with <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/radical-self-acceptance\/\">radical acceptance<\/a>\u00a0\u2014\u00a0that\u2019s Episode 176 if you want to learn more. With radical acceptance, the situation may not be okay or right or good, but it IS what\u2019s happening, and you choose your response with that reality in mind.<\/p>\n<p>You can choose to respond to students\u2019 lack of engagement, late work, and so on with non-judgment. Certainly, you can follow up to understand what\u2019s happening; certainly, there needs to be logical consequences in some situations. But this is about how you think about the situation and how you treat people \u2014 what your attitude, tone, and word choice are like when you\u2019re addressing problems.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-142857 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1-500x500.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1-500x500.jpg 500w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1-100x100.jpg 100w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1.jpg 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Choosing non-judgment is part of giving students space to be themselves. The idea is that you\u2019re not making students feel bad that they have less productive days. You\u2019re not doing things that make them feel as if you are looking down at them or are impatient with them when they\u2019re not functioning at 100% of giving their best. You\u2019re not reminding them of how they did such a great job yesterday, so what\u2019s wrong with them today?<\/p>\n<p>Instead, you\u2019re accepting that like all of us, students do not function at consistently productive levels. All of us have certain days we\u2019re sharper and more energetic than others. We also have <i>times of the da<\/i>y where we\u2019re more focused. We may also have times of the week, times of the month, or times of the year when we can get more things done. There\u2019s a ton of variables that go into that: it varies by the person in the household and by culture and what else is happening in the world and in the person\u2019s life.<\/p>\n<p>So allowing for these ups and downs and ebbs and flows without attaching a judgment about it being a \u201cgood day\/mood\u201d or \u201cbad day\/mood\u201d is what we call in my household \u201cgiving people space to be themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>This is not just <i>giving people space<\/i>, which implies that you\u2019re pulling away from them or withdrawing. It\u2019s giving <i>people space to be themselves \u2014\u00a0<\/i>their full selves, allowing them to experience whatever it is they are going through without them needing to change it to please you.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>So if you\u2019ve been frustrated with trying to give other people grace when no one is showing grace to you, try this. Try not thinking about the expectation to extend grace and instead think about giving them space to be themselves.<\/p>\n<p>You are not doing them a favor or letting them off the hook or permitting bad behavior or being lax in your standards. You are giving people space to experience life in their own way, on their own terms without comparing them to some standardized ideal of how children should behave or how they should act or what they should know.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re allowing parents to be exactly who they are, having phases in their lives when they\u2019re probably doing too much for their kids and phases when they\u2019re probably not doing enough.<\/p>\n<p>Resist the urge to put anyone (your students, their families, your principal, or your colleagues) into a box, to flatten them into a caricature of themselves, and you expect them to always act consistently. Your \u201cgood kids\u201d are not going to be good every moment of every day, and your \u201cbad kids\u201d are going to have some pretty awesome moments on a regular basis too, if you\u2019re attuned to those moments.<\/p>\n<p>If you want to enjoy your life, it\u2019s important to practice this \u2014 to practice not holding people to your preconceived notions of who you believe them to be, or even who they are most of the time. Most of the time, a student might be serious, but that doesn\u2019t mean that if they\u2019re cracking inappropriate jokes in class that there\u2019s something wrong and you should be shocked at their behavior. Most of the time, they might be on task, but that doesn\u2019t mean when they don\u2019t turn in an assignment that it has to be a huge deal, complete with a lecture like, \u201cWhat happening? You&#8217;re always so responsible. Why didn\u2019t you turn in your homework?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Give them a chance to have an off day or an off mood. This is giving people space to be themselves.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve found this to be a super helpful strategy for getting along with people in general. It\u2019s something that I learned through my marriage because giving people space to be themselves is a phrase that my husband uses a lot. It\u2019s something that he really excels at. He never puts me in a box or tries to make me be the same person that I was 10 years ago, or 5 years ago, or even yesterday.<\/p>\n<p>Every day is a completely fresh start with him, and however I am feeling and whatever I\u2019m thinking and wanting to do that day, it\u2019s pretty much OK with him. He never acts shocked if he wakes up and finds me cleaning the house, nor if he finds that the house is a mess and I\u2019m just laying around. Either of those choices is fine. If I were to be obsessively cleaning or never getting off the couch, I assume he would eventually have a conversation with me about that. But I never feel any kind of pressure to be a certain version of myself with him. He doesn\u2019t remind me of contradictions or stuff in the past, he lets me be the way I am.<\/p>\n<p>And that is a powerful freedom to have with any kind of relationship, to know that you are accepted and you don\u2019t have to perform to any kind of standard in order for the other person to be happy around you.<\/p>\n<p>My friendships operate the same way: You don\u2019t sense that if you aren\u2019t behaving a certain way or getting a certain amount of things done that the other person will suddenly disapprove of you, or throw it back in your face later. Giving people space to be themselves is a very satisfying way to interact because you learn that you are not responsible for other people&#8217;s choices and you don\u2019t have to push them toward the choice you think they should take when you are not attached to that specific path for them.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, if you have a student who is constantly late to class, giving them space to be themselves means you don\u2019t make a big joke of it when they are on time and tease them, like wow you\u2019re finally here. Or even comment on it like thanks for being on time. It\u2019s a fresh day and a fresh start. We just welcome them in, &#8220;Hey there John, great to see you.&#8221; Of course, there may be things that you\u2019re doing behind the scenes to ensure that there are no bigger reasons for the constant tardiness, but in the way you treat the student, you\u2019re not constantly reminding them or nagging them or making them feel like they disappoint you.<\/p>\n<p>Part of giving people space to be themselves is allowing them to make their own choices, and that\u2019s a really hard thing for teachers, particularly since we are held responsible for the outcomes even though we don\u2019t have control over all the variables.<\/p>\n<p>I think this school year, in particular, we\u2019re having to learn that when kids are at home and not in our classrooms, we have even less control over their choices, we have to respect their autonomy and give them agency, and give them space to be themselves. There is no other choice \u2014 at least no other choice that won\u2019t leave you feeling extremely frustrated. So rather than constantly thinking about how this kid is always late and it drives you crazy and why doesn\u2019t he care about his education and why don\u2019t his parents do anything about it, just give him space to be himself.<\/p>\n<p>So when you\u2019re feeling frustrated that you have to give grace to everyone else and no one\u2018s giving grace to you, try flipping it to thinking about people giving people space, not grace \u2014 give them space to be themselves.<\/p>\n<h3><b>Solution #2: Stop making your work look effortless, and invite folks into the process<\/b><\/h3>\n<p>There are also some things that you can do to set a norm where other people are extending grace to you.<\/p>\n<p>Some people will do this automatically \u2014 they will understand that you have a tough job and it\u2019s especially tough right now, and they will go out of their way to show appreciation and be patient with you. And I think there are some folks who will never ever give you a break.<\/p>\n<p>Some people just have that personality, and some people are under a tremendous amount of stress particularly right now with COVID. Some people just don\u2019t have the emotional bandwidth to be as attuned to your feelings as they should be. So if you\u2019re expecting everyone to be super nice (even if you\u2019re super nice to them) that\u2019s probably not realistic.<\/p>\n<p>But I can give you some tips to help with that middle group. There are some that will naturally give you grace and some folks will never give you grace, but many others can be trained in how to do that. We teach people how to treat us, and you can do that in some subtle ways by setting a tone in your interactions with students and parents, and colleagues that giving people space to be themselves is normal and expected.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>No time to finish reading?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Download the MP3 and listen on the go<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/17933618\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/672c5b\/\" width=\"500\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>I think it\u2019s very important to show your humanity to parents and students for a lot of reasons, but for the purposes of this episode, it really does go a long way toward receiving grace from them. It can be very tempting to try to present yourself as a person who has everything together, but especially in a pandemic, it\u2019s important for families to understand that you are doing something that\u2019s never been done before, and a lot of things you\u2019re having to figure out as you go, just like everyone during a pandemic.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>So the goal is to be perceived as knowledgeable but not all knowing; competent but not infallible. You do not have to know everything and do everything perfectly, and in fact, I think when you set up this expectation that you\u2019re on top of everything, it\u2019s even more jarring for others when things don\u2019t go well.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Look for small things you can do to help families see you as a fellow human who is doing your best to make it through a pandemic. Instead of saying, \u201cHere\u2019s the activity\u201d and magically produce a robust, complex resource that just appears in front of students, you could say, \u201cI spent several hours putting these materials together this weekend. I thought it might be good to include ___ to help you with ___, so I added that \u2014 let me know if it\u2019s helpful. And I wasn\u2019t sure if you would need ___. I left it out, what do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This kind of conversation is not supposed to be a pity party where you guilt trip students into feeling bad you spent so much time on the assignment. You\u2019re just matter-of-factly revealing some of the work that goes into what you\u2019re showing them. It\u2019s much harder for students or families to criticize things when the careful work and consideration you put into the assignment is evident to them.<\/p>\n<p>Bring them into the process: get their input along the way so they can see that it takes planning to pull this stuff off. Talking about how you made decisions about their learning also heads off unnecessary criticism: if you\u2019re about to do something that students or parents don\u2019t like, explain your reasoning. \u201cI know some folks really don\u2019t like group projects \u2014 I want you to know I weighed a couple of different options here. Here\u2019s what I considered, and here\u2019s why I think this is the best approach.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Can you see how this is a humanizing way to present assignments? This process shows flexibility and reflection. It shows that you don\u2019t view yourself as all-knowing or perfect, which means that they shouldn\u2019t expect that of you either. Look for ways to show parents how you are learning and refining things based on what works well for them and what doesn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n<p>I want to highlight one reason that this can be tricky: teachers in general, and women especially, are conditioned to make everything we do look effortless. There\u2019s this expectation that good teachers are superheroes: they can do it all without breaking a sweat.<\/p>\n<p>But trying to make everything look effortless often backfires because it makes people expect even more of us. Since everything we were already doing was just so easy and no big deal, then asking them to make this one little accommodation or change this one assignment or do this other thing shouldn\u2019t be a problem right? The teacher handled everything else with no problem, why not this thing, too?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Don\u2019t allow folks to think that something you did was &#8220;no big deal&#8221; when it was actually a fair amount of work and took quite a bit of time. That\u2019s not being professional, that\u2019s presenting a professional veneer, and borders on disingenuous.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Tell families, \u201cI\u2019m devoting about 90 minutes a day to email, and that\u2019s the most that I can allot while also still planning and grading. So while I will try to get back to you within 24 hours, if it takes longer, please know it\u2019s because\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If kids are asking why you haven\u2019t graded an assignment yet, tell them, \u201cit takes approximately five minutes to grade each project, and I have 150 projects to grade.\u201d Ask them to do the math on how long that takes. When they figure it out, say, \u201cThat\u2019s right, it\u2019s a lot of time and I\u2019m spending most of my time during the day teaching and responding to messages. So I really appreciate your patience, I want to get this stuff back to you as fast as I can and I wish I had a whole extra day every week just to grade.<\/p>\n<p>Again you\u2019re not doing this in any kind of sarcastic or complaining tone. The goal is to let them see the person behind the teacher. The things they are wanting from you take time and energy which are limited resources each day. Do not be a superhero who puts on the appearance of tackling every task effortlessly and then complains and collapses behind the scenes.<\/p>\n<h3><b>Solution #3: Say \u201cthank you\u201d instead of apologizing<\/b><\/h3>\n<p>A final thing you can do to increase the likelihood of people giving you grace or space to be yourself is to practice saying thank you instead of apologizing. This advice has come from a number of books and social media posts primarily targeted at women, but it\u2019s useful advice for anyone, particularly people who have been socialized to believe that they should apologize for things that are not their fault. That can train us to feel like we need to apologize for everything, and constantly say we&#8217;re sorry for things that aren&#8217;t a big deal.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Instead of saying, \u201cI\u2019m sorry for the delay in responding to this message\u201d, say \u201cThank you so much for your patience, and for giving me some time to think about this.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Instead of saying, &#8220;I\u2019m sorry that I can\u2019t do it,&#8221; say, &#8220;Thank you for your support and understanding.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>If someone points out an error typo, instead of saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I should have done a better job proofreading, say, &#8220;Thank you so much for letting me know, I\u2019ll get that fixed now.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>If you join your class late on Zoom, instead of saying, &#8220;I\u2019m sorry I\u2019m late,&#8221; say, &#8220;Thanks for waiting, I really appreciate you all getting started on the warm-up while I was off-line.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>To clarify, I\u2019m not saying that you should never apologize, and when you\u2019ve done something that is offensive or hurtful, the response is probably going to be different than what I\u2019m advocating for here, in order to have the necessary accountability to move forward.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019m talking about the little very human mistakes that we all make on a regular basis. We do not need to apologize for being human, for forgetting something minor, or for not doing something perfectly.<\/p>\n<p>Set a culture with your class of thanking each other for bearing with one another\u2019s faults, and giving each other space to be your full selves: your occasionally forgetful selves, your occasionally late selves, your occasionally typo-making selves.<\/p>\n<p>Give the people around you space to work through whatever it is they\u2019re experiencing and come back later to make things right. If a student has said something rude to you and you turn it into a capital offense, it\u2019s going to require a lot more humility for that student to come back later and apologize or take ownership.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes you just need to say, \u201cAlrighty then,\u201d and keep moving along. Give the student a chance to get into a better headspace and then make it right. You can always initiate a conversation about it later if the student doesn\u2019t do that, and you need to clear the air. But it\u2019s okay to wait and let the student\u2019s low mood \u2014 or your own low mood \u2014 pass before you have a conversation about it.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-142856 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-500x500.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-500x500.jpg 500w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2-100x100.jpg 100w, https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-quote-2.jpg 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>You can encourage the likelihood of students having these self-awareness and interpersonal communication skills by modeling it yourself. There will be times when you use an unnecessarily impatient or rude tone with your students, or sigh deeply and roll your eyes because you\u2019re frustrated at having to repeat directions yet again.<\/p>\n<p>When you get in a better headspace, tell your students, \u201cThank you for bearing with me earlier when I was feeling impatient. It wasn\u2019t necessary for me to speak to you all that way and I want to try to speak to you in a kinder tone, even when I\u2019m frustrated that some folks didn\u2019t listen the first time. So thank you for just allowing me to feel that impatience even though I didn\u2019t express it in the best way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>This is how you create a class culture in which it is okay to have natural human responses like frustration, anger, sadness, lethargy, and lack of motivation.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I encourage you to allow people around you to have the space they need right now and do what they need to do to make it through this winter and spring. And give yourself space, too.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t try to force yourself to conform to a small, narrow set of expectations and behaviors. Give yourself space to be frustrated and tired. It\u2019s okay to feel all of the emotions.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to be positive and energetic and upbeat and inspirational all the time. Yes, you are an educator, but you\u2019re also a human. You are allowed to have human experiences. So are your students &#8230; so are their families.<\/p>\n<p>This week, remember that you don\u2019t\u2019 have to make everything you do appear effortless: invite folks into the process and the work, and thank them for supporting you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The inspiration for this podcast came from the very popular phrase of \u201cgiving people grace\u201d during this pandemic. It\u2019s a term that really seems to come into popularity in spring 2020 when we were first doing emergency remote teaching. The motto for many schools became: Give students grace: don\u2019t hold them to unrealistic or harsh &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/\">Continued<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":148546,"menu_order":26,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","categories":[10,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-142834","podcasts","type-podcasts","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mindset-motivation","category-truth-for-teachers-podcast"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Truth For Teachers | When no one is showing you grace<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Giving grace shouldn\u2019t be a one way street. When you start to feel resentment building, these are 3 shifts that can help.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When no one&#039;s showing YOU grace ... make space instead\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Expectations on teachers have never really relaxed, and grace seems like a one-way street.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Truth For Teachers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TruthForTeachers\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-08-12T04:51:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-plain.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Expectations on teachers have never really relaxed, and grace seems like a one-way street.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-wide.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"19 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/\",\"name\":\"Truth For Teachers | When no one is showing you grace\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.com\/truth-for-teachers-podcast\/instead-of-giving-grace\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/truthforteachers.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/giving-grace-make-space-square.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-14T16:00:01+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-08-12T04:51:49+00:00\",\"description\":\"Giving grace shouldn\u2019t be a one way street. 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